A New Reality Show Idea

If you know us personally, you know that my mother puts in a tremendous amount of time being my nanny and groom. Currently, we are harvesting grapes and my father has been one of our drivers and my emergency mechanic. My parents are the closest to having staff/servants that we are ever going to come. As of today, my parents have departed on a three week European tour. So we will see if over the next three weeks whether our lives start to resemble a bad sitcom or reality show.

To thicken the plot, a few twists:

1) I seem to have developed some sort of persistent cough that leaves me with a raspy, if any, voice. Considering I make my living running my mouth, the last few weeks have been a hoot. The cough particularly likes to flare up at night making sleep an elusive target. For variety, I alternate sleeping propped up on the coach or in a recliner.

2) We are also watching my parents two dogs. These are not two average dogs, these dogs have special needs. In addition to that, my parents live on a well crafted schedule including snacks. My dogs function on getting fed in the morning and sometime before we go to bed. Snacks are self harvested and usually involve something that goes into or comes out of a cat. My parents have a Corgi that is obsessive even for a Corgi. The radar is always “on” and the dog is constantly scanning for something to alert us to. The Corgi also likes to recruit our senile Labrador into barking with him. The Corgi also goes through separation anxiety from my father and comforts himself by either patrolling for his owners return or humping the snot out of my mother’s Labrador, Maggie. Maggie is a formal kennel dog and formed an obsessive bond with my mother upon first laying eyes on her. She likes to comfort herself by proving that she cannot be contained by any normal crate and not letting me out of her sight. Gimli, the Corgi, also bolts when given the chance so has to be kept on a leash. It hasn’t been one full day and he already shot past me once. Fortunately, he sprinted to the house and I closed the deck gate behind him. At that point, I doubt my parents had cleared customs at Newark yet.

3) As previously mentioned, we are in the middle of the harvest and I am functioning as a single parent and barn owner/manager. I managed to get round bales out to the pasture all by myself today, but at one point had the skid steer completely off the ground with the spear stuck into the round bale. Nothing but glamor and dignity with this lifestyle.

So tomorrow, I will attempt to have the barn done, be showered and dressed for work, pack two lunches, fed and corral the dogs, get our son up and delivered to day care and be off to work by seven. I feel like I should be humming the Mission Impossible theme and be warning you that this post will self destruct in ten seconds.

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